Marrying Into a Filipino Family: What to Expect

So, you’ve found the person you want to marry and he or she is a Filipino. And though the Philippines is warm and welcoming towards foreigners, you know that marrying into a Filipino family means a deeper level of immersion in a foreign culture. And so you begin to feel a little sense of apprehension, or fear of the unfamiliar. Questions like ‘How will they treat me?’, ‘How will I be able to fit in?’, ‘Will there be a lot of cultural adjustments?’ begin to fill your mind. To somehow help ease your worries, we have listed down some common Filipino family traits and traditions that you can expect when you become a part of one.

 

Being a part of a Filipino family presents new things to embrace and deal with

 

1. Respect for elders is of utmost importance

Keep in mind to always greet the grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, and other older relatives of your spouse. Say ‘Kumusta po?’ (Hi, how are you?) and they will appreciate you for it. Failing to do so will make them think of you as disrespectful or lacking in manners.

 

2. Filipinos love to talk, and they will ask you questions

You’ll get asked about what you do for a living or if you know how to speak Filipino.

Don’t get offended, being ‘interviewed’ about your life’s facts is one way Filipinos make an effort to get to know you more and bond with you. Sometimes, the questions can get a bit uncomfortable to answer, in this case, you may simply give a generic and safe answer. You don’t have to spill all the details, just smile and keep a congenial stance.

 

3. Most Filipino families are extended and close-knit

In the Philippines, family closeness is extended even to second-degree or distant relatives. And yes, they all come to celebrate with you during parties if you invite them. Some would stay in your house for a short vacation if allowed. Family reunions are also a must-attend event because they expect you there.

Financially supporting a needy sibling or close relative especially in emergency cases is not uncommon. This also applies reversely. When you find yourselves in need, your Filipino spouse will most likely suggest you ask and receive help from your relatives instead of going to the bank to apply for a loan. If you’re uncomfortable with this kind of affinity, you may talk to your spouse for some limits to be set. Just try not to sound antagonistic or offensive and explain your reasons. Loving his or her family is important, but putting limits on their roles in your life as a couple is understandable and can be agreed upon.

 

4. Sharing in household chores is practiced

In typical Filipino households, the father is the breadwinner, the mother the homemaker (even if she also works), the children are also given household chores to do. These days, housebands (non-working fathers) have become acceptable to some but they are expected to do household work. Fathers are also expected to know basic handyman work. Of course, having a household staff will take the chores off your back.

 

5. Family dinners are important

No matter how busy you are, don’t miss family dinners. In a traditional Filipino family, bonding and conversations at dinner is important. Cooking for your family is also appreciated in Filipino culture.

 

6. Resolving family issues may involve his/her family

If your spouse is very close to his/her family, he or she may tend to consult with his or her own family and ask for help or advice. In wanting to help, they may sometimes serve as an arbitrator to help bridge whatever gap the two of you may have.

 

7. They love food, singing, hanging out

Being close-knit, they love to spend time together once in a while like dining out or watching movies or going to the malls or videoke spots. They will appreciate it if you come with them. Some families go Dutch when it comes to paying, while some expect you (if you’re a guy) to pay for dinner so be sure to come prepared.

 

Marrying into a Filipino family can be exciting, or sometimes challenging. But learning how to embrace cultural differences and understanding the people who matter to your spouse can be life enriching and fulfilling as well. The adjustments notwithstanding, being a part of a family gives you a feeling of belongingness and support, something that’s important especially when you are living in a foreign land.  

 

Article by: Ingrid Soriano
Photo courtesy of: telegraph.com.uk